What will you say that hasn’t been said by countless others? But it feels like everyone needs to say something, all the time. When will this stop? When will women feel safer in our crowded, over populated country?
I am always very vocal about feminism, getting equal rights for women and men, but this is about safety , about not hurting us physically. I don’t even know where it begins.
While this whole situation was unfolding and every few hours there would be new update about the horrifying rape and murder incident at the Kolkatta hospital, I was in Gurgaon with my co-founder Isha. We had stopped on the side of the road to pick up something, I was sitting in the cab and waiting for her. In broad daylight, men were ogling her as if they can consume her any minute. Generally when I am travelling alone for work, I keep my head down and go about my work, but this time I was appalled by the way men were looking at her. I kept my eyes glued on her to ensure she returns safely back into the cab.
A few days back, a young 17 year old cousin had come to stay with us and we would ride in our suburb on my scooty. When my cousin remarked on how men look at our faces and don’t stop staring, I couldn’t unsee it. These things are happening all the time, but when you are alone you keep your head down and don’t notice it as much. Why? Because you are scared you would ignite the fantasy or the ire of some random man passing by and he will chase you.
I am a strong girl who works out regularly and I am no damsel in distress, but I can never match up to any guy who comes and corners me. When I was doing internship for my CA, and would travel all over the country for audits, my mom had taught me a couple of manoeuvres to hit a man if he comes too close. Or how to be alert and on the lookout for danger when in a relatively isolated area.
Why do mothers have to teach this to their daughters? Why do girls and even older women have to be vigilant for their basic safety?
Not all men? But how do we know which men are safe and which are not? So we have to be wary and afraid of all men to begin with and then slowly eliminate some of them from the web of suspicion.
In my mind I have a script ready for what I will say if ever I am in a risky situation. I will plead that I will agree to whatever you say, but please don’t kill me. I have a little child at home.
I am raising a son, and earlier I used to think that since I don’t have a daughter, my bag of responsibility is lighter, but now I realise how we moms of sons have to teach respect and kindness to our sons much more than moms of daughters do.
I don’t know how the doctor girl will get justice for her rape and murder, she is dead already. But I do know that it has increased the dread at the pit of my stomach. I have to be more vigilant, for myself and for all other women around me, girlfriends, cousins, employees, everyone.
This is not done. We need a safer society. As Faye D’Souza said in her video, we need safety not protection.
Safety, not protection. Give us the freedom to live our lives. We don’t want anyone to be a provider and protect us, just leave us alone and let us be.
Rutvika
Sizzle and Drizzle 