In the last 4 months, I have read more books that I have been able to read in the last 2 years. I am not much of a movie/series person, I imagine vividly and if I see a murder mystery then in my dreams I keep seeing someone trying to kill me or me trying to kill someone. So I only restrict to rom-coms. The good part of romantic movies is that even in my dreams, the husband is doing sweet things to me and I wake up feeling more lovey-dovey towards him for no amount of work from his side. Win-win situation. But there’s a limit to how many many movies of one genre you can really see, so I just let it go. Books are my thing. Making a mandala, baking with my kiddo, writing at least 700 words each day is my thing. This lockdown has also introduced me to the wonderful world of strength training and for the first time in 10 years, my back, neck are not aching from constant use of laptop. So all in all you see, it’s not the situation but only how we look at it that matters.
Perhaps what I need to learn in this year of life is to be alone with myself, complete within me. Not look at external factors for validation but look within self for the fulfilment that I crave. Par yeh hain kya andar ? Dekhu kidhar ? A well wisher told me to start meditation , another one asked me to write the journal with happy thoughts. Be mindful and try to live a meaningful life. But saala ye sab ek moh maaya hain and hum sab iske shikaar hain.
This deliberation of what would be Arjun’s narrative of his mom when he grows up also makes me be a better person. As a 4 year old he worships his mom, he thinks mom and dad are the most powerful and kind people in the whole world. And I know how that’s not true. I am bossy most times, I can be mean and demanding, but under the scrutiny of these tiny little eyes, I try to be gentler.
The French word for makeup is maquillage, a mask. Two different faces , two different people. One for home and one for work.
I am a soul. Living this life, enjoying its ups and downs, taking risks, falling committedly in love with people, with things, with ideas; nourishing itself to keep faith in the way things are so as to come back again once this body gives up. These 70-80 years of my life are just a tiny blip in the journey of the soul.