Do you ever get that feeling where there’s so much to do, yet all you want to do is sit and stare? At the blank sky or the black inky screen of the television, looking at the reflection of the still sofa and go into a numbness so quiet that the motorcycle buzzing on the street below pierces through your head like a long pointy needle? I call it being listless, feeling listless. But I think those are moments when the world feels too overwhelming.
I have always believed that the mind is the most powerful machine , most tenacious but wild organ in our body. It can be tamed into whatever we want but it is easily convinced by negative thoughts and sways over to a rogue side throwing caution to the wind. But it can be nurtured into believing what we want it to believe.
I felt Sapna Bhavnani would be able to work her magic on my hair. The tattooed bold stylist full of oomph was the cure to my malady. I was also majorly in love with her writing. She used to write in Sunday Mid-day about her life, being a woman, dating, her bikes and tattoos and S-E-X and I had read nothing like that as a 19 year old. I wanted to be her, I would look forward to her article every Sunday. 2006/2007 was a time of paper newspapers and I had to wait for my father to come home from his night-shift as a police officer, and hope that he would buy the very sensationalist tabloid Mid-day, a paper published only in Mumbai.
These daily rituals, routine mundane activities which need to be done every single day are the real crux of life. They lend a certainty and order inside the home, inside our head so that the big wide world broadcasted into our homes via news channels and social media can stay out and not disturb our peace.
In the last 4 months, I have read more books that I have been able to read in the last 2 years. I am not much of a movie/series person, I imagine vividly and if I see a murder mystery then in my dreams I keep seeing someone trying to kill me or me trying to kill someone. So I only restrict to rom-coms. The good part of romantic movies is that even in my dreams, the husband is doing sweet things to me and I wake up feeling more lovey-dovey towards him for no amount of work from his side. Win-win situation. But there’s a limit to how many many movies of one genre you can really see, so I just let it go. Books are my thing. Making a mandala, baking with my kiddo, writing at least 700 words each day is my thing. This lockdown has also introduced me to the wonderful world of strength training and for the first time in 10 years, my back, neck are not aching from constant use of laptop. So all in all you see, it’s not the situation but only how we look at it that matters.