Hello! From a newly minted mom. In the last two months that I had disappeared from the blog, I went off and delivered a baby. A baby boy, my bundle of joy. After a dramatic water breaking in the morning followed by day long labor, he was here. A part of me for so long, now pulled out into this world.
Since then, have I changed? Yes. Overnight? Almost. Irreversibly? I guess so.
I had no idea that a tiny little human being will bring a storm into my life and for the next 35 days, every minute I will be doing absolutely nothing but nurturing him (and it still continues). I had heard about it, read countless mommy blogs, but you only realise the intensity of it, when it actually happens to you.
Thankfully I had a normal delivery, and within a day I felt fine. Sure my body still felt as if I was hit by a truck but I was comfortable and mentally I had gone into this overdrive mode where nothing else but the baby mattered, as I am sure happens with most moms.
Earlier when I used to imagine that precise moment when the baby is born and handed over to me, I always saw myself crying. Because of the enormity of the situation. But when it actually happened, I realised that at that point of time, labor was more overpowering and when the baby eventually came out, I only felt relief. I heard a loud baby cry, the doctor said it is a healthy baby boy and then immediately they placed the baby on my chest. I was supremely terrified that this tiny little being would fall off. And I clutched him tight. My little baby boy. I knew him. Since the last 9 months. In my womb. And now here he was. Beautiful and perfect. When Akshay, (my husband and my baby’s father) came in, I felt a surge of pride. At the living being we had created together. Baby boy had an exact tiny replica of his fathers nose. It was incredible.
Later on, when the baby suckled at my breast for the first time, I finally let down a tear. We had made it till here and we will do it till the end of our lives. Akshay and I had a new team member and we were a new family now.
And then the histrionics began. Since that day I have found a deep reservoir of patience within myself. This little baby, we named him Arjun, does not know anything about the world. He was and is so solely dependent on me that it was humbling and yet empowering. Nothing else in life yet had made me feel so powerful till date. I had given birth and now I was giving him life.
I know I am using a lot of superlatives , but these extreme words are barely able to give justice to the surge of emotions, so bear with me.
After being discharged from the hospital , we came to my mom’s house, as is the tradition. And since then, we are here for 6 weeks, where my mom helps me take care of the baby, and she takes care of me. I couldn’t have managed these initial days without her constant support and unending hands-on baby management.
This month has been emotionally exhausting, for the lack of better words. First the realisation of the huge responsibility and secondly because my baby refused to breast feed initially. He would cry inconsolably, hold his breath and then we had to feed him expressed/ pumped milk and sometimes formula milk. And that broke my heart. I had one job, that was to feed him, and I was unable to do it. Incapable. And I did not know why that was happening.
Every time he refused to breastfeed I would cry. And cry. My mom and mom-in-law , husband , friends and a dear aunt tried to convince me that it is fine and it will gradually get better. The demand supply situation of milk takes time to adjust. It helped but just for sometime. I felt miserable.
Then after four weeks of agonising over it, suddenly one fine day baby boy decided it was time to make momma feel good. And like a switch he moved on to hundred percent breastfeeding and now we are happy campers.
It still takes enormous patience, I have to be available and ready 24 hours and sit nursing him for an hour at a time, without moving from my chair. And that with just about 4-5 hours sleep each day since he was born. But I feel satisfied. The natural endorphins released by my body seem to be working and I feel a high each time he nurses well and coos satisfactorily. And smiles. Not necessarily at me, but he smiles nonetheless.
We are slowly getting adjusted to each other. Him and me. While he is discovering something new everyday, so am I. We will guide each other, me telling him about this big, beautiful world and he teaching me how to be a mom. :)
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And meanwhile, for my little baby’s first month birthday, I made a simple eggless chocolate pudding. In a microwave. It has just 4-5 ingredients and comes together in 15 minutes. A very quick fix to your chocolate cravings.
Eggless Microwave Chocolate Pudding
What you will need:
- 1/2 cup caster sugar
- 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 3 tablespoon corn flour
- 2 cups milk
What to do :
- In a microwave safe bowl, mix caster sugar, cocoa powder and corn flour. Mix well with a whisk to break any lumps.
- Add milk to the above dry ingredients and let it dissolve in the milk.
- Microwave the mixture for 3 minutes. Then take it out and stir well. Again microwave in bursts of 1 minute, stirring in intervals till the mixture thickens. It will take about 6-7 minutes in the microwave. Alternately, you can thicken the mixture on a stove-top, while constantly stirring.
- Pour the pudding in cups or ramekins, cover with a plastic wrap and let it cool for an hour in the refrigerator.
- Garnish with chocolate curls or whipped cream before serving.